Similarities
by Cracon
Summary: "Rachel does know what it's like." - Mainly the beginnings of a Hummelberry friendship with some unrequited Faberry on the side. Includes the sequel "If you ever feel like you're nothing: You're fuckin' perfect to me"
1. Similarities

**Title:** Similarities**  
>Author:<strong> cracon**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13 (for one swear word)  
><strong>Length:<strong> 1448  
><strong>Pairings  Characters:** unrequited Rachel/Quinn, Kurt, implied Quinn/Sam  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> S02E04 - Duets  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Rachel _does_ know what it's like.

* * *

><p>Rachel catches up with Kurt in the hallway, a few feet away from his locker.<p>

"Hey! I had something I wanted to talk to you about."

Kurt sighs, clutching his U.S. History book tighter to his chest.

"Please not another pregnancy."

He turns to his locker, opening it as Rachel comes to a halt just next to him.

"I … I think that you and I are a little bit more similar than you think." She tells him, looking for all what it's worth almost like a kicked puppy to Kurt.

He reaches for his hairspray and gives her an inquiring look, before spraying his hair.

"That's a terrible thing to say." He states.

He puts his hairspray back in his locker and fully intends do ignore Rachel in whatever little histrionic fit she's about to have. But she actually catches him off guard.

"I know you're lonely."

Kurt stops looking through his locker and slightly turns his head to her, acknowledging that yes, he had heard her. So Rachel soldiers on.

"I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have feelings in High School that you can't act on, for fear of being humiliated, ridiculed or worse." She sighs, and continues in a whisper. "Well, actually, I can."

Kurt's eyes widen as he looks at her. Surely he must've heard that wrong? With all the ruckus going on in a school hallway between two classes, his ears must've deceived him. Surely Rachel Berry, Rachel "I have two gay dads and that is the only reason I know what you're going through" Berry, did not just admit what he understood.

The bell rings and students of all the grades shuffle in their respective classrooms, some running through the hall, trying to get through the doors a split-second before their teachers. Soon it's just the two of them, still standing at Kurt's locker in the now deserted hallway.

"Did you just …" Kurt starts but his mouth turns dry so fast he doesn't actually finishes his sentence.

Rachel smiles faintly.

"I know that it is a terrible cliché. I do. And I'm all about destroying stereotypes, really, I am. Because, honestly, statistically speaking gay parents do not always have gay kids. But this particular pair that shares the surname 'Berry'? Well, they have." She explains to him, leaning against the cool metal of the locker just next to Kurt's with a defeated look in her eyes.

Kurt sighs, closes his locker and mirrors her position. "Who is it?"

Rachel startles. "Pardon me?"

He reaches out to her with one hand, the one not currently jammed between his body and the locker, and explains with a flourish hand motion.

"We may not be close friends, Rachel. Hell, we might not be friends at all." A wounded expression crosses the girl's face. As well as Kurt's. "But I know you long enough to know that there has to be a follow up to your confession. I know that it's a relieving feeling to just tell somebody, anybody, that you're not exactly at the Barbie and Ken spectrum of sexuality. But I sense there's more to this confession. So, spill it."

Rachel is stunned. Her mouth opens and closes a few times, but no words come out. Eventually she slumps against the row of lockers and slides on the floor, her arms enveloping her knees, her face hiding.

"This is all so fucked up." She mutters.

Kurt is surprised at the expletive. He never actually heard her swear. But sensing her mood he decides not to comment on it and joins her on the floor, sitting next to her.

"Tell me about it." He sighs before another thought crosses his mind. "Wait a minute, I thought you and Finn …?"

Rachel's face emerges again. "He knows. He has known for a while. I told him recently. He's a good friend." She concludes and rests her head on the locker behind her. "I told him the real reason why we haven't had sex yet. He's still with me, as a cover up. He's a good guy. You know Finn."

Kurt hums an affirmative before repeating his question. "Who is it?"

When the silence stretches he turns his head to watch her face. From afar it would've appeared that she just looks at the wall of lockers across from them. From his point of view, just a few inches away, he knows that her eyes are out of focus and that she's deep in thought.

He bumps his shoulder against hers, bringing her back to the present.

"God knows I could've needed someone that should've set me straight, so to speak, with the whole crush on Finn last year. So come on, tell me. I pinky-promise not to make fun of you." He says with an attempt at levity, holding up his left hand with all the fingers curled in, except his pinky.

The corners of her mouth twitch and she intertwines her pinky with his.

"It's just, with all the stuff she's been through the last year … and she seems to be really happy with him. She does. Who am I to disrupt this little bubble of happiness she's found? She deserves to be happy. Especially since it was my fault what happened before Sectionals." Rachel ends in a bitter tone, resolutely looking on a spot a few feet across the hall.

Kurt's eyes widen again as realisation of Rachel's object of affection sinks in.

Rachel stands up suddenly, inevitably pulling Kurt upwards with her. Her eyes are misted over and Kurt thinks she's going to fullout cry any second now.

"I know you're lonely, Kurt. I _know_ what it's like. I do." She begins, her voice scratchy as she reaches up with her free hand, the other still intertwined with his, to wipe the tears that threaten to fall away. "But you're not alone. We're going to win Nationals this year. And you know how we're going to do that? Because we have you."

Kurt takes in her shaken appearance. Her desperate attempt to return to normalcy. In an uncharacteristic move, because it's still Rachel Berry and although they may have bonded over their one similarity, they're not friends, although that may be further down the line – but Kurt hates seeing girls cry, any girl, so he envelopes her in a hug.

"That's true." He whispers, holding her close and stroking her hair.

Rachel inhales deeply and continues to mumble in his shoulder. "That's twelve people who love you just for being exactly the way that you are."

He wants to tell her that there are twelve people who love her, too. But he knows that most of their team mates only care for Rachel in a professional way, namely her voice, and not on a personal level. He knows that there are only a handful of people in the choir room that do, maybe even less, and the person she so desperately wants to be a part of this handpicked group is not amongst them. So he just hums and tightens his embrace. He hopes that she understands that it does get better, eventually. The way she grips the front of his shirt makes him hopeful that she gets what he's trying to say her in a non-verbal way.

She takes a shuddering breath before extracting herself from his arms.

"Do you want to sing a duet with me?"

The sudden change of topic catches him off guard. "But the duet competition is over." He says confused.

"I know. I just … I think you will be really happy with my song selection. It's sort of everything that both you and I love." Rachel gives him a small smile. "I thought this one could be for me and you."

He gives her a smile in return. It is her way of offering a friendship to him.

"What are we going to sing?"

She stops in mid-motion, already turned to go to their next destination. Presumably an empty classroom or the auditorium to practise. She turns around in slow-motion, but only far enough so that her eyes can catch his, before she looks away again.

"'Get Happy/Happy Days are here again' by Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland."

He nods and offers her his arm. "Lead the way."

He understands that she needs this more than he does. And not just because she deliberately chose to lose the duet competition their overenthusiastic teacher bestowed upon them.

She needs this to distract herself from the fact that despite the lyrics of the song they're going to sing, happy days are not going to be here for her for a long time.


	2. If you ever feel like you're nothing

**Title:** If you ever feel like you're nothing: You're fuckin' perfect to me  
><strong>Author:<strong> cracon  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG  
><strong>Length:<strong> 1835  
><strong>Pairings  Characters:** mainly Kurt/Rachel Friendship, unrequited Rachel/Quinn, implied Quinn/Sam  
><strong>Spoilers<strong>: up to and including S02E10 – A Very Glee Christmas  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt is disappearing in front of her eyes and there is absolutely nothing she can do against it.  
><strong>AN:** Sequel to Similarities. Title from P!NK's "Fucking Perfect"

* * *

><p>"Then go down to 711 and get some," Rachel furiously spats at a clerk, "I need Raisinets!"

"Carb bloating?"

Rachel spins around and her eyes land on a smiling Kurt, clad in his meticulously pressed Dalton Academy uniform, leaning against the counter.

"Kurt," she smiles softly and quickly crosses the few feet of space separating them, enveloping the boy in a firm hug. "It's good to see you," she murmurs against his chest.

He chuckles. "Likewise."

##

_The delicate bond she has with him is getting more fragile with every slam in the locker he receives, with every crude insult hurled to his face and with every flavour of the week Slushie emptied over his head and thus consequently over his ever-stylish designer clothes._

_Kurt is disappearing in front of her eyes and there is absolutely nothing she can do against it. She is only 5'2" and if the malevolent jock as much as looks at her funny, she has her very own private room at Lima Memorial Hospital. She wants to help Kurt. She never felt so useless before. She considers him a friend, or at least a confidante, but for the first time in her life she isn't able to help a person she likes._

_He is getting thinner with every day that passes by, his eyes sunken __in and his cheeks hollow. Judging from his performances in Glee club he is exhausted, but hopefully not beyond repair, she thinks to herself. She can see him jumping almost a foot in the air every time a locker in the hallway slams shut just a little too loudly—even when he is in class or at glee practice at that moment. His walk has turned from once confident to insecure, his posture from straight to slumped over._

_It breaks her heart._

_But in the end there's absolutely nothing she can do._

##

"So, what's with the candy?" Kurt asks once they end their embrace and move to sit on the bar stools in front of the counter.

"Puck got Lauren Zizes to take your place and she won't go on unless she gets her damn candy!" Rachel exclaims before she sighs, looking down at her hands. "She's definitely not you, but she's a warm body. You know we need a dozen people do compete."

He nods. He figured it was something along those lines, like with Jacob Ben Israel just the year before, before Finn decided to sing with them after all. He stretches his arm and places a hand over her fiddling ones, squeezing them. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"No, it's not your fault. You weren't safe at McKinley anymore. It's your **life**, Kurt. That's more important than singing and dancing. We all get it," she replies earnestly, rotating her hands so she can squeeze back.

##

_She tries to rally the football players in Glee via their girlfriends, but that plan backfires. Finn's still too busy caring about his reputation. Puck, who she is pretty sure would love to send Karofsky in a coma, is already on probation. Artie can't really do anything, but he tries. So do Mike and Sam._

_Sam._

_Her throat tightens when she sees __**her**__ tending to his wounds after he hit the other jock, the obvious adoration in her eyes plain for everyone to see. Rachel can already feel the tears prickling at her eyes, so she looks away._

_And when Kurt announces he's transferring to an all-boys private school, because he doesn't feel safe at McKinley anymore, it takes all of her power not to choke on the constricted feeling that has settled in her chest._

"_Does this mean you're competing against us at Sectionals?" Is the only thing that leaves her mouth—because it's expected, although even Santana looks at her disbelievingly—instead of the "Please don't go. I need you here, with __**me**__." she so desperately wants to say._

_A short time later __Lauren Zizes joins their little group. She isn't a too bad of a singer, but she's not __**Kurt**__. Still, Rachel can admit to herself that they need Lauren, at least to compete at all. And although she still wants to win, she really does want to win, she is looking forward to seeing Kurt again, more. A sentiment she knows Mercedes shares as well._

##

"So, how's it going at Dalton Academy? Any cute boys I need to fight against for your affection?" She tries at an attempt at levity.

Kurt chuckles and shakes his head lightly. "Several cute boys, actually. But we both know you already have my affection," he adds with a lopsided grin.

Rachel smiles and it isn't the Rachel Berry Showsmile, patent pending, he has seen over the years, which she almost cultivated to perfection. It's a timid kind of smile, like she isn't sure if he's kidding or not, and when he gives an almost imperceptible nod she clutches his hand tighter, her eyes shining.

"So, did you miss us?"

"I do. Being a Warbler is great, but I don't think they appreciate my individuality as much as you guys did," Kurt sighs.

"So I take it you didn't get the solo?" She asks ruefully.

##

_"Hey Rachel, I've been looking for you."_

_Rachel stops playing aimless chords on the piano and turns to the boy who appears on the stage in the auditorium, setting his portable CD-player on the shiny surface of the instrument and sitting down next to her._

"_Hey," she smiles at him._

"_I was hoping you could help me. I've been invited to audition for a solo for the Warblers," he states, bumping his shoulder against hers._

"_Kurt, that's great!" She exclaims and lifts her arms to give him a sideway hug, her head resting on his shoulder._

_Kurt hums, his right hand resting on the back of her neck and the other on her forearm, squeezing it lightly. "I could use your expertise. No one knows how to kill a ballad quite like you."_

_She lifts her head and gives him a crooked smile. "What song do you have in mind?"_

"_I've settled on Celine Dion's classic 'My heart will go on'."_

"_Oh … okay."_

"_You don't approve?"_

"_Well, every solo I pick for an audition follows a simple rule: It has to be personal and possibly reflect at what point of my life I am right now. If "My heart will go on" does this for you, than I'll be more than happy to help you, of course."_

_Kurt frowns at her words. He just thought the song is a well-known classic, what better song to audition with? He looks at her enquiringly. "What's your song?"_

"_My song?"_

"_If you had to audition, right now, what would you sing?"_

_Rachel bites her lip and tilts her head away from him, her hands falling to her lap as she stares over the piano top. Kurt knows this look, has seen it once before in a deserted hallway before she confessed to him that she has feelings for Quinn Fabray, of all people. Feelings that apparently run deeper than a mere infatuation, Kurt thinks as he once again witnesses her far-away look. He reaches over and lays a hand on her shoulder, bringing her out of her own thoughts._

"'_Don't cry for me, Argentina'," she states, still avoiding his gaze._

"_Why that song?" He whispers. Kurt knows that the girl next to him just didn't browse her mental song library for over a minute, in silence, if it didn't reflect her current feelings._

_Rachel is quiet for a few seconds before she turns her body to him again. "Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?" She asks, once again biting her bottom lip._

"_No," Kurt answers, a bit confused._

"_I do. I know that only a few people in glee club appreciate me the way I am. So sometimes I imagine a 'What if?' scenario, with everybody finally realizing that I wasn't as bad as they thought I am, but it being too late. I always pictured … Santana comically throwing herself into the grave and desperately knocking on my coffin, saying she's so sorry for all she ever did to me," Rachel chuckles mirthlessly. "And all the others giving heartfelt speeches and their regrets …" She tapers off, once again lost in her own thoughts._

_Kurt tries to swallow the lump in his suddenly dry throat and tries to blink the forming tears in his eyes away._

"_Is it insane for me to fantasize about this?" She asks meekly, her eyes downcast. _

"_No," Kurt shakes his head. "Depressing? Yes. And to think I only wanted to sing "My heart will go on" because there's a pretty big chance that everybody of the judges knows it. Seems like I need to find a new song."_

_Rachel intertwines her hand with his and gives him a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I'll help you."_

"_Thanks," he whispers as the other brunette leans down to her get bag, presumably to search through an insane amount of sheet music to find __**the**__ song, just for him._

_He studies her profile, her eyes flying over the papers as she is loosing herself in the music once again, mumbling a 'I'm sure it's in here somewhere' from time to time._

_It definitely isn't Santana she wants to regret ever taunting her._

##

"Sadly, no," he sighs.

"I'm sorry," she retorts, contrite. "I'm sure you were really good."

"I was. Well, I mean, I think I was," he sighs again. "Better luck next time, I guess."

"Yeah," she exhales. "I'll be more than happy to help you again, if you want to."

"That's be great," he smiles.

A boy, clad in a Dalton Academy uniform comes up and addresses Kurt. "Kurt, they're calling places," he says before he turns to Rachel, "Hey."

"I'll be there in a minute, thanks," Kurt smiles at his fellow pupil.

The boy nods and walks away, leaving Kurt staring after him.

"Ah, now I know something's up," Rachel chuckles before she stands up, smoothing out her skirt.

"What? Oh!" Kurt startles before hastily gets to his feet. "That's just Blaine."

"Just Blaine, huh?" Rachel answers cheekily.

"Well," Kurt admits, his ears colouring pink, "I know that he's gay, so that's a plus."

Rachel smiles and gives his upper arm a light squeeze. "That's great, Kurt. Just … promise to protect your heart?"

He encircles her in his arms and places a soft kiss on the top of her heart. "Of course."

She grips the back of his jacket, the side of her face pressed against his chest. "I'd like you meet my dads, some time."

"Your dads?"

"Well, you know. Trading romance tips, date advice, stuff like that," she murmurs.

He hums. "That'd be nice. Maybe we can combine it with an impromptu singing lesson."

She kisses him on the cheek before she steps out of the embrace. "I'd like that."

They share a smile.

"See you on stage."


End file.
